The weaker I get, the stronger I become

Following Jesus is a war.
It’s not some happy club.
This isn’t Chuck E. Cheese.
Are you willing to fight this fight?

This has been a month of immense heartache, disappointment, and rejection. At the same time it has been filled with extreme joy and a powerful peace. I know what you’re thinking…that is impossible. How can you put heartache and pure joy in the same sentence? It happens to be one of the many unexplainable feelings and situations that happen when your life is fully surrendered to Christ.

It has been a month of trials…one after the other. I barely have time to catch my breath before the next trial comes. I beg God to make them stop. Crying out to Him night after night after night saying, “Please Father, I don’t think I can do this anymore”. Yet, the trails keep coming. Then God led me to the Message version of 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

“…so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

I love these verses. I am dependent, powerless, WEAK, and while that should scare me, that truth brings me to a beautiful place. A place where I CAN’T go one minute without crying out to my Father. A place where in my weakness God’s power is made perfect. The trials are a gift. I was right when I prayed: “I can’t do this anymore”. Because I can’t! I need God’s grace and power. I am weak. But Christ wants to take over! That is where the pure joy and peace comes from during heartache and disappointment. I know Christ is in control. Our trials are pure joy when God is our goal.

“Do not forget in the darkness what you have been promised in the light”

It happens way too easily. A rough month and I forget. It becomes easy to look around and think. “Why do I do this? Why do I put myself through this?” Then I smile and remember: I do it for Jesus.

I cannot begin to thank you all for your prayers this month. They have overwhelmed me with peace and joy that can only come from our Radiant Lord. I wish I could tell you the full story of the things that have been happening this month. How God has been working in my life even throughout the storms and trials. But, I feel it is best to wait. Instead I will show you some pictures of my “sunshines” from this month.

Some of the MANY donations from Key Club's Vida's Ark Fundraiser. $908.65 and $3,000 dollars worth of supplies.



Some of my dear friends and the adorable posters from the Vida's Ark (teen moms) Fundraiser!


CSU Roller Skate night!


The whole CSU Roller Skate Group! This outreach event=TOTAL SUCCESS!


First part of my senior pictures! I can't believe Senior year is right around the corner...


Anti Prom Night with my campaigner kids!


Late night drive to go Cosmic Bowling!


My Beautiful Girls!

The Least of the Least...

Disclaimer: This is my best description of the dream and "vision" I have been having the past few months. Obviously if you know me you know I have not been to Africa, India..etc but God does take me there frequently in my head. What God has shown me is what I am writing about.

I am walking down the streets of Africa, China, Haiti, and India. I see the work of orphanages of all these locations. Children are being adopted into loving God fearing families from all over the world. Yet, I get the feeling that something is missing. As I look around I see a group of precious children looking at the scene as outsiders. These children are not the cute little kids you see on adoption fliers. No, they are hurt, sick, lame, mentally or physically handicapped, HIV positive, Down syndrome; missing arm or a leg...They are the least of the orphans.

I hear the world say: "They are considered to be dead ducks anyways. They are the children without a mommy and a daddy AND not desirable for adoption. Who would want to adopt a really sick child? Why spend the money or resources on these children when they have no hope...no future".

Yet God puts a different truth on my heart...I see beautiful and wonderfully created children with a purpose and a treasured soul. A child that so desperately needs love. These children are the least of the least. And I believe it is our duty as Christians to love them.

I walk down the halls of a Children's Hospital in America and see our sick, lame, handicapped children but they’re smiling, joyful, laughing even though they are so sick, hurting, or disadvantaged. They have parent(s) who love them and hold their hand during blood testing. They have hope in knowing a doctor will do everything possible to give them a longer or brighter tomorrow. They know they can live a happy, purposeful life even with a disability. They are living their lives no matter how short to the fullest and surrounded by love.

I want that for these children around the world. The least of even the orphans. They’re the unwanted orphans. All I want for them is love. To be loved and to know love. I don’t want to give them an earthly future but an eternal future.

“For God’s possible is taught by His world’s loving,
And the children doubt of each”

These children can only believe in a Heavenly Father who loves them by seeing His people love them.

Abba…Father,

How my heart breaks for these orphans. You throughout both the Old and New Testament call your people to love these children, the fatherless. God, show me that I am not a rescuer…I am the rescued. You saw me when I was dirty, sick with sin. I was on a path to death. I had nothing to offer you; I was such a pain: constantly rejecting your love. You never stopped fighting for me and showing me love. I am a rescued child. I have been adopted into your heavenly family. Use me to help rescue more children. Let me love them as you loved me. It won’t be easy but you will give me all that I need to do it. And best of all you will forever be by my side.
Love you!
Heidi