New Year. Same Jesus

I wrote this blog January 9, 2012 and posted it on Facebook. Finally getting around to posting it on here as well. No pictures on this blog yet (will add them this summer). Grace and Peace,  Heidi

This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, 'Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness, and streams in the wasteland.” ~Isaiah 43:16-19

I sort laundry and thoughts on a wintery cold, overcast Monday evening in my dorm room. I look out my window and see the ground covered in a dusting of sparkling frost and leaves lost. The world seems cold, bare, being purified. All rests still. A blanket of fog hovers above the street, vanishing every diamond star in the night sky. I believe that wonder and worship can grow out of places of smallness and ordinary moments.

I am bundled in my SPU sweatshirt and thick warm socks. I’ve often wondered if I’m a winter writer, rather than summer. Today is one of those days where you couldn’t find a cup of tea large or strong enough to satisfy me as I think, process, and reflect. Introverts are collectors of thoughts, and solitude is where the collection is curated and rearranged to make sense of the present and future. I am desperate to find, to write, the perfect display of veracious words to express to the world, not only the depth of God’s love, but also to help them understand what has been going on in my inside world. You know that place—where it is just you alone…except you usually end up running into God there too.

New Year. Same Jesus. A new year is such a perfect invitation to remember God’s faithfulness through out the year. The seeker sees. A way of seeing that draws closer to God, the Holy One of blessings, God’s presence fills the Universe. God’s presence fills me. The air is ancient. The ground holy. God’s endless streams of grace. I look out over this vast blankness, yet to be filled with God’s promises and fulfillments, yet to be pierced with hard and splashed with joy. It threatens to be overwhelming. Another year I let enter in. Its story unknown and I cannot help but tremble at the thought of having to turns it’s pages alone. But I hear my favorite whisper. “Hush, My Child” Can’t you hear God’s sweet melody dancing in the air saying,  “My unfailing presence is always with you. In me your restless heart will find rest.

Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done ~CS Lewis.

For a moment, pondering the how's and the why's and the what-if's seems much more attractive than meditating on these promise words printed on the thin paper Bible laying open on my desk. But the words on those thin papers remind me of who I am not, and won’t let me forget who God is: powerful, good, able, faithful. But then I think back over the hard and the joy of last year, the faithfulness of God in each one of those moments and I know that I can move forward with this Father holding my hand. I am completely overwhelmed by His goodness and His faithfulness. The biggest truth I discovered in 2011 is that God is ALWAYS good and I am always loved. Though the world is ugly, it is beautiful

Hot tea and a good heart to heart conversation with God sounds lovely right now. I love deep talks. A conversation where there are no secrets, but only truths. No fears you can just pour out your heart without any hesitation. Sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences and knowing that God understands everything you’re saying better than you do. Yet, God in his perfect love listens to me. I believe that God’s plans for my life are unstoppable.

“If life were stable, I’d never need God’s help. Since it’s not, I reach out for Him regularly. I am thankful for the unknowns and that I don’t have control, because it makes me run to God.” ~Francis Chan

I might be stepping into a new, harder season in 2012. I don’t know. All I know is that God has been faithful before and He will be faithful again. I’m like a glowstick. In order to shine the way I long to, I must be broken, even thought it may hurt sometimes. God uses everything. He uses the things that break me down, that hurt, those moment in life where its hard to breathe and He wraps them all together and uses them to make me shine even brighter. Incredible.

The phrase “Do not be afraid” is written in the Bible 365 times. That’s a daily reminder from God to live everyday being FEARLESS. I want to live 2012 fearlessly. A confidence and trust that comes from being a daughter of God. I am strong because I’ve been weak. I am fearless, because I’ve been afraid. I am wise, because I’ve been foolish. I have been redeemed. Made new by a strong, fearless, and wise Savior, Jesus Christ

…the fact that each one of those problems is a God-appointed instructor ready to stretch you and challenge you and deepen your walk with him. Growth and wisdom await you at the solution of each one, the pain and mess notwithstanding. ~Charles Swindoll

 I don’t ask God for love or happiness in this coming year. I don’t ask for the absence of tears. I stand before Him tonight and I will not ask to understand His ways for this coming year. God has a reason for allowing things to happen. We may never understand his wisdom, but we simply have to trust His will.

But this I do ask: that God would give me a willing heart; an obedient heart. A heart that will know and listen to His leading voice. I want to walk with Jesus every day. Always ready to go, to act, to love, to sing, when He asks me to. I don’t want to do anything outside of God’s Will for me. I will wait upon Him as long as it takes.

“God takes the time do everything right—everything! Those who wait around for Him are the lucky ones” ~Isaiah 30:18

I must decrease in order for God to increase in my life. Getting rid of self-will, my ways, my dreams, my goals, taking the pen of my life story and into the hands of the Author of Life. Being fully drenched and immersed in the will of God.

But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, You are my God! My future is in Your hands ~Psalm 31:14-15

Jesus is here with me and one day soon He will come back and make all things new and set all things right. I am young and sometimes beyond exhausted and completely unable to understand why God has graced me with this plan for my life. I am chosen. Instructed to carry the story of our Savior within my life song, to shine His light in a dark, broken and haunting world.

I also know with all my heart that YOU are chosen too. God’s life, strength, peace, and grace, will not run dry. This life is beautiful and terrible and simple and difficult and He is using it for His glory. God has been working in me to do things I could never do on my own. He is teaching me to breathe in His grace through the study of the Word, prayer, worship, and Christian fellowship, and then breathe out His love, mercy, forgiveness, and wisdom to the people in my life through my words and actions. Praying for all of you all as you continue to chase after Christ.