Find You On My Knees

I wrote this blog on February 3rd on my Facebook. Finally getting around to adding it on here too! I know I haven't been active on this blog for a LONG time but it isn't because I haven't been writing! All my love, Heidi 

I’ve been desperately trying to type out the story of an ordinary girl and the past two weeks of this adventure she stumbled into years ago. I long to share with you all the ups and downs, sorrows and joys, blessings and hardships that have occupied this chapter of her life. I have written. I have deleted. I have walked around campus searching for the right words. I have eaten too many handfuls of dark chocolate M&M’s. I have cranked out so many miles on the treadmill at the Hill Hall REX—like I could somehow run the words into my head. I have filled and refilled my mug with a constant flow of coffee and tea. There is a possibility that I might have talked to myself a little…okay maybe a lot. I have listened to Kari Jobe’s new album Where I Find You so much that I am scared to look at the number of plays column on my iTunes playlist. And I have finally come to this conclusion: there are no words to contain God’s beauty, goodness, and faithfulness in the life of a recovering sinner drenched in grace.

God is faithful. Through thick and thin, He patiently leads us, guiding our steps and teaching us how to interact in ways that honored Him and the people we encounter daily.  I have had a rough week. It has been a week filled with tears, conflicts, hopelessness, brokenness, heartache that threatened to tear me apart, and doubt. I walked straight through raging fires, yet here I am very much alive and well. I have come out the other side and I can testify that my dependence on God is greater, deeper and stronger then it has ever been in my life.

“Jesus calls me to surrender and there’s nothing like releasing fears and falling into peace. It terrifies, true. But it exhilarates. This, this is what I’ve always wanted and never knew: this utter trust, this enlivening fall of surrender into the safe hands. There is no joy without trust” ~Katie Davis

I am going to be fairly vague about what lead me to such a rough week but the specific details don’t matter. What truly matters are the truths that I learned. How God found me right where I was at. How I walked through one of the worst weeks of my life and came out stronger and more joy filled then ever. Last Saturday night was the peak of my rough week and it was also the turning point. Life had gotten so out of my control so twisted beyond what I was expecting that I had absolutely no idea what to do. I desperately started seeking Scripture; I was so thirsty for answers of clarity and direction. And I came to these verses.

If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me ~Jeremiah 29:13

But we will worship you at your throne--

eternal, high, and glorious!

O, Lord if you heal me, I will be truly healed;

If you save me, I will be truly saved.

My praises are for you alone

You alone are my HOPE in the day of disaster. ~Jeremiah 17:12;14;17b

  So when all the sun's creatures fell into a deep slumber in the heaviness of the night, I was awake. Singing and writing and letting my heart dwell in the peaceful silence. But I was a girl awake with a mission: searching for God in the midst of the broken chaos my life had become.

  I entered into worship and freely let drops of tears spill from my eyes and bathe those beautiful and radiant feet of Jesus who was listening to my meager offering of a broken and dissent melody. The same feet that hanged from a cross. The same feet the walked miles on dusty roads spreading the message, “Repent for the Kingdom of God is near.” The same feet that were placed in a manger. I fell before the feet of the Prince of Peace, the one person who has never let me down, and my flood of tears drowned all my faults and fears and shattered dreams. Oh, the healing floods of worship tears.

Do you know what I am talking about? Those dark nights where the only thing you could offer God is your brokenness?  Those hopeless nights where everything is falling apart? Stumbling around in the dark you’re seeking and thirsty for direction. Those nights, weeks, months, or maybe even years where it is hard and hurts to trust God. You come before God an emotional wreck. A complete and total mess. When your heart is feeling like it will drown in a sea of troubles, weariness, and restlessness. How can you trust God when, as Kari Jobe sings in her song Find you on my Knees, “my hope is gone, when fear is strong, when the pain is real, and it’s hard to heal, when my faith’s been shaken, and my heart is broken, and my joy’s been stolen…” 

  You sing through the pain. You lift your hands and praise the One who gives and takes and is worthy, always worthy of our praise. Because it is in worship were God enters in and meets us right where we are. In the midst of our sorrow and brokenness. We find God right where we are.

It is in the process of being worshiped that God communicates His presence to men ~C.S Lewis

Jesus Christ, the Great Intercessor takes our muddled, broken sobs of worship and focuses and transforms it in the presence of God. When we pray and sing through Jesus our prayers and songs (which so often are weak, shaken, disorderly and filled with laments too deep for words) are condensed and specified. And through this incredible process of worshiping through life’s storms we uncover not only what we already knew we wanted to say but also what the hidden parts of our hearts and soul are longing to say. Simply put, the truth comes out during worship. Worship is transformative. Our offerings of brokenness are shaped into things of beauty. Worshiping in the midst of brokenness shakes the very foundations of hell. It is proving to both the Earthly and Heavenly realms that you will cling to what you know is true and that God is who He says He is even when everything happening in your life would seem to say otherwise. We can be confident that Christ will take and perfect what we say and mean and bring it before the throne of God. The most remarkable truth about worship is that we have a High Priest and Intercessor who worships in our midst, the One True Worshipper.

You still reign in my deepest valley

You're still God in my darkest night

So quiet my restless heart

Quiet my restless heart in you

Oh let Your will be done in me

In Your love I will abide

Oh I long for nothing else as long

As You are glorified

This is why I have such a resilient passion for shepherding God’s people into His presence and glorifying Him through music. I believe there is a special type of healing, transformation, and revelation that happens through worship. I have experienced this personally and watched it happen to others over and over again. I believe that worship is a beautiful foretaste of the world to come when all people, from all nations, and all languages stand before the throne room of God and sing His praises. I love how worship can build a deeper sense of belonging to one diverse, multi-denominational and globally extended family of God. Worship is so much more than a song. Worship is a lifestyle. I want my life to be a worship anthem to advance the glory, honor and fame of the King of kings.

My Presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest." ~Exodus 33:14

  God never promises that road He would call you to walk down would be easy, but He promised that He would never leave your side. God never promised that life wouldn’t be painful, but He promised that He would take care of you. One (or a few) bad days withJesus is still better than the best days without Him. As I continue to struggle to find words and reflect on the past few weeks of my life. I remember that never, not once, was I really as ready for spiritual battles or rough weeks that I knew would come on this adventure as I wanted to be. But I also remember that God ALWAYS kept all His promises, every single one, in His perfect time.

 Writing this on the other side of this trial I have an inexpressible glory filled joy like never before. But I was challenged and stretched to get where I am now. And God has been blessing me abundantly. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. Obeying God sometimes seems like the hardest road to take. But in the long run, it is the only lifestyle that brings REAL peace and joy

The LORD says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.  When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them ~Psalm 91:14-15 

New Year. Same Jesus

I wrote this blog January 9, 2012 and posted it on Facebook. Finally getting around to posting it on here as well. No pictures on this blog yet (will add them this summer). Grace and Peace,  Heidi

This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, 'Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness, and streams in the wasteland.” ~Isaiah 43:16-19

I sort laundry and thoughts on a wintery cold, overcast Monday evening in my dorm room. I look out my window and see the ground covered in a dusting of sparkling frost and leaves lost. The world seems cold, bare, being purified. All rests still. A blanket of fog hovers above the street, vanishing every diamond star in the night sky. I believe that wonder and worship can grow out of places of smallness and ordinary moments.

I am bundled in my SPU sweatshirt and thick warm socks. I’ve often wondered if I’m a winter writer, rather than summer. Today is one of those days where you couldn’t find a cup of tea large or strong enough to satisfy me as I think, process, and reflect. Introverts are collectors of thoughts, and solitude is where the collection is curated and rearranged to make sense of the present and future. I am desperate to find, to write, the perfect display of veracious words to express to the world, not only the depth of God’s love, but also to help them understand what has been going on in my inside world. You know that place—where it is just you alone…except you usually end up running into God there too.

New Year. Same Jesus. A new year is such a perfect invitation to remember God’s faithfulness through out the year. The seeker sees. A way of seeing that draws closer to God, the Holy One of blessings, God’s presence fills the Universe. God’s presence fills me. The air is ancient. The ground holy. God’s endless streams of grace. I look out over this vast blankness, yet to be filled with God’s promises and fulfillments, yet to be pierced with hard and splashed with joy. It threatens to be overwhelming. Another year I let enter in. Its story unknown and I cannot help but tremble at the thought of having to turns it’s pages alone. But I hear my favorite whisper. “Hush, My Child” Can’t you hear God’s sweet melody dancing in the air saying,  “My unfailing presence is always with you. In me your restless heart will find rest.

Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done ~CS Lewis.

For a moment, pondering the how's and the why's and the what-if's seems much more attractive than meditating on these promise words printed on the thin paper Bible laying open on my desk. But the words on those thin papers remind me of who I am not, and won’t let me forget who God is: powerful, good, able, faithful. But then I think back over the hard and the joy of last year, the faithfulness of God in each one of those moments and I know that I can move forward with this Father holding my hand. I am completely overwhelmed by His goodness and His faithfulness. The biggest truth I discovered in 2011 is that God is ALWAYS good and I am always loved. Though the world is ugly, it is beautiful

Hot tea and a good heart to heart conversation with God sounds lovely right now. I love deep talks. A conversation where there are no secrets, but only truths. No fears you can just pour out your heart without any hesitation. Sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences and knowing that God understands everything you’re saying better than you do. Yet, God in his perfect love listens to me. I believe that God’s plans for my life are unstoppable.

“If life were stable, I’d never need God’s help. Since it’s not, I reach out for Him regularly. I am thankful for the unknowns and that I don’t have control, because it makes me run to God.” ~Francis Chan

I might be stepping into a new, harder season in 2012. I don’t know. All I know is that God has been faithful before and He will be faithful again. I’m like a glowstick. In order to shine the way I long to, I must be broken, even thought it may hurt sometimes. God uses everything. He uses the things that break me down, that hurt, those moment in life where its hard to breathe and He wraps them all together and uses them to make me shine even brighter. Incredible.

The phrase “Do not be afraid” is written in the Bible 365 times. That’s a daily reminder from God to live everyday being FEARLESS. I want to live 2012 fearlessly. A confidence and trust that comes from being a daughter of God. I am strong because I’ve been weak. I am fearless, because I’ve been afraid. I am wise, because I’ve been foolish. I have been redeemed. Made new by a strong, fearless, and wise Savior, Jesus Christ

…the fact that each one of those problems is a God-appointed instructor ready to stretch you and challenge you and deepen your walk with him. Growth and wisdom await you at the solution of each one, the pain and mess notwithstanding. ~Charles Swindoll

 I don’t ask God for love or happiness in this coming year. I don’t ask for the absence of tears. I stand before Him tonight and I will not ask to understand His ways for this coming year. God has a reason for allowing things to happen. We may never understand his wisdom, but we simply have to trust His will.

But this I do ask: that God would give me a willing heart; an obedient heart. A heart that will know and listen to His leading voice. I want to walk with Jesus every day. Always ready to go, to act, to love, to sing, when He asks me to. I don’t want to do anything outside of God’s Will for me. I will wait upon Him as long as it takes.

“God takes the time do everything right—everything! Those who wait around for Him are the lucky ones” ~Isaiah 30:18

I must decrease in order for God to increase in my life. Getting rid of self-will, my ways, my dreams, my goals, taking the pen of my life story and into the hands of the Author of Life. Being fully drenched and immersed in the will of God.

But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, You are my God! My future is in Your hands ~Psalm 31:14-15

Jesus is here with me and one day soon He will come back and make all things new and set all things right. I am young and sometimes beyond exhausted and completely unable to understand why God has graced me with this plan for my life. I am chosen. Instructed to carry the story of our Savior within my life song, to shine His light in a dark, broken and haunting world.

I also know with all my heart that YOU are chosen too. God’s life, strength, peace, and grace, will not run dry. This life is beautiful and terrible and simple and difficult and He is using it for His glory. God has been working in me to do things I could never do on my own. He is teaching me to breathe in His grace through the study of the Word, prayer, worship, and Christian fellowship, and then breathe out His love, mercy, forgiveness, and wisdom to the people in my life through my words and actions. Praying for all of you all as you continue to chase after Christ.

Winter Reflections

I am completely enthralled by the Winter Wonderland that I have had the magical privilege of living in the past few days! The white world outside my window is glorious. Beholding the exquisite and breathtaking scene from the warm comfort of my quaint dorm room. What a gift from our Marvelous Creator God! "...For God says to the snow, 'Fall on the earth." ~Job 37:6.

There is something so beautiful about snow. It makes everything seem new, bright, fresh and completely transformed in the midst of a season of lifeless dormancy. A white blanket of possibilities has fallen all-around us. One of a kind delicate snowflakes fall softly to be married to the ground. Seattle snow is a kind of forced, but welcomed Sabbath. Everything shuts down and slows down. People are forced to find a place of rest. The hectic pace of life no longer a burden. God brings snow and I now can actually enjoy the simple pleasures of the breath filling my lungs, the lovely people by my side, and dwelling on the good faithfulness of a God who weaves it all together. Faint laughter from my college peers snowball fights or screams of joy as they find the courage to sled down one of the many massive hills on campus. I can imagine God looking down and enjoying the childlike joy that has come from His snowy gift.

I am inspired. Inspired to cocoon myself in a myriad of heavy blankets and quilts and lie in my cozy bed and write. Write about what God has been doing in my life…what He has been showing me. In the hopes that it would help spur and encourage you in someway towards seeking after God more in your own life. However, first and foremost, I encourage you to read the Bible. God’s words are far more brilliant, inspiring and encouraging than mine. His words are alive and moving.

Who likes a Christian without a sense of humor? Answer: Hardly anyone. That being said, I don't expect you to agree with everything I type. In fact, I'd rather you not. Life is in need of those stimulating debates that anger and annoy our opinions and challenge our beliefs. I think it only makes you stronger in your opinions and beliefs. However, I want to be known for my strong convictions in debates and discussion AND for my gentleness in letting others keep theirs. By always having that be my goal, it creates a beautiful vision of the Kingdom of God. God has been teaching me a lot about relationships and love recently.

I’ve never had a boyfriend. I have never been a dater. I rarely get asked out…very rarely. What I use to see as rejection, God has showed me is actually His grace. Oh, I have had my share of heart-sparkles! But in God’s immense and exasperated patience, He keeps His hand of daily protection watchfully over me. So instead of dating or being in a relationship, I get the privilege of spend my days looking for places to be useful in His name and advancing the Kingdom. God can use my life for HIS glory, as long as I am willing.

I have often heard the phrase, “Chase butterflies. Not Boys.” It’s cute and clever, but I think there is an even better objective to chase because I know it won’t be long before I get bored from chasing butterflies. Here is my version—Chase after God. Not Boys. Chase after God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. That’s what it means to be kingdom minded. I can promise you if you are seeking after God and His kingdom you will NEVER get bored.

The greatest romance one can find, is to fall in love with God. The greatest journey one could embark on is to seek Him. The greatest achievement one can obtain is to find Him. ~St. Augustine

Someone asked me yesterday if I thought I would have a boyfriend by the end of the school year. Somehow by the grace of God I told them that all I know is that for TODAY God has called me to be content as a single college age girl. And that TODAY, I am going to be the happiest single alive!! I am going to accomplish the most for God that is possible because He walks at my side..."Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness...do not worry about tomorrow...each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:33-34

“People aren’t problems to be fixed. People are people, for us to walk alongside and journey with and help pick up the pieces with and, when they drop them again, to get back down and help them pick them up again. And that’s real love - without condition and without expectation.”

~Brooke Fraser

I believe what screws us up most in life is our expectations, the picture in our head of how life is supposed to be, especially in relationships. Expectations kill relationships. This may seem silly but I have caught myself thinking when I was talking to a heart sparkle, “You are not responding in the way I imagined you would respond when I acted out this conversation in my head. Stop it.” I think the things we want most in life, the things we think will set us free, are not the things we need. Most people crave an earthly love story so strongly which is a good and healthy desire, but it can too easily become an idol in your life. An idol always demands sacrifices. Expectations that I have for the different relationships in my life tend to turn into idols. And when these idols are not being fulfilled I sacrifice the people in my life to my expectations (or idols) through withholding my love, reckless and hurt filled words, or anger and rage. What (or better stated who) can save me from my idolatrous heart?

Biblical love that Jesus talks about and is notorious in 1 Corinthians 13 is acceptance, grace, honor, and trust—among many other things—that you give to someone without having expectations of receiving anything in return. Did you get that? NO EXPECATATIONS, just freely given love. No pretensions just real and vulnerable love. This is the kind of love that is everlasting; a love that doesn’t fit the mold of normalcy and throws away all sense of reason. It is the kind of love I believe is found in Heaven and it is the kind of love that lasts. The presence of this kind of love is warm, inviting and melting. It’s the kind of love that I cannot understand but I know that I want more than anything in the world. My theory is that deep down, hidden in the most secret places of our hearts, we are all seeking someone who can relate to us, meet us where we are, love us in spite of our junk and do so without any expectations. Because that’s what love is, right?

This kind of radical love does not come easy for us. It is something that’s not just going to happen when you enter into a relationship. It is something that you must learn and practice.

“Living a great love story doesn’t look like winning the lottery, it looks like training for a marathon. It’s hard work and you have to do the work long before you ever meet Mr. Right, otherwise you’ll be the girl who shows up for the marathon having eaten a gallon of ice cream every night, listening to Taylor Swift songs and watching love stories about vampires. No good man can run with that girl, not for much longer than a mile” -Don Miller

I have discovered the best way to cleanse an idolatrous heart and to learn and practice daily this profound love that holds no expectations is through a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Jesus is the song of love that never leaves my heart. It draws me in, captivated by the heavy scent of God. The notes of the song God’s sings over me linger. The melody drifting and I keep seeking for more. It’s my obsession. I’m spellbound by the presence of God. Transfixed and mesmerized by the song of Jesus, God’s anointed. The heavy glory of God’s presence is my drug, my addiction. I recently discovered the Hebrew word use throughout scriptures to describe God's glory is "kabod" which is derived from the root word meaning "heaviness". All of the earth is heavy with God's glory like gravity keeping me firmly footed on the ground. That makes sense to me. There are moments that I can feel God’s glory heavy on my skin. The weight of God’s glory is not unreal, deceptive, misleading, or short-lived, but daily and everywhere.

God’s love is waking my heart to life. My relationship with Jesus is making my eyes sparkle with the light of Christ, has placed an every present smile on my face, and a spirit that glows like a healing fire. God daily makes me more and more like the women found throughout the Bible: giving me a boldness like Esther, the beauty and faithfulness like Sarah and Rebecca, the warm radiance of Ruth, the hospitality of Lydia, the humble spirit of Mary, a sensitive heart to justice engulfed by tears of constant prayer like Hannah, drenching me in Proverbs 31, providing me with steadfast faith and the redeeming leadership of Mary Magdalene, the courage and wisdom of Deborah, and audacity and tenacity of Tamar.

I'm starting to understand that the beauty of an earthly love story is in the whole process, the waiting part too, not just the end result. Because marriage is not my destination, it will just one day import how I travel on my journey.

“And there is something so alluring about a woman whose focus is on knowing God! While a woman who is “out to get” a man seems to give off an aura of desperation, a woman who is out to know and serve her Savior gives off a fragrance of beauty These are the years of growing into the beauty for which God created you. Years for becoming lovely in everyway. In God’s time, He may bring someone across your path who delights in your beauty, someone who needs what you have to offer, someone who will move Heaven and Earth to make sure he’s up to the challenge of loving you the way God intended you to be loved.” ~Diana Comer

As the gentle white flowers continue to fall from the storehouses in heaven with the sweet refreshing scent of winter, I end my reflective thoughts with a wonderful passage of scripture that has been my inspiration and keeping me “Kingdom Minded.”

Sometimes I wish everyone was single like me-a simpler life in many ways! God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others…and don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, define your life….The really important thing is obeying God’s call, following His commands…because of the current pressures on us from all sides, I think it would probably be best to stay just as you are…All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible…There is no time to waste, so don’t complicate you lives unnecessarily…When you’re unmarried you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. ~1 Corinthians 7 (Message)

Immanuel: God with US

Do you feel it? Can you smell it dancing in the air? Can’t you hear the peaceful melody making its way around the world? Is your heart jumping with anticipation?

Christmas is a time when love seems almost touchable: when everyone seems to be drunk with a radical love. A giving love. There is an aroma of magnificent evergreen trees and scrumptious cookies filling houses with a sweet scent. Christmas is a moment during the year when you can hear songs of truth and anticipation of a coming Savior, a Redeemer, on mainstream radio stations…and people are actually singing along.

I have always adored Christmas time. It is a time of year of snuggling in your favorite chair, with your bible and journal, close to a cozy fire. And you can’t forget about your favorite Holiday drink from Starbucks! The red and white cup is easily my favorite accessory to any outfit. Christmas is a magical and enchanting season of laughter, warmth, love, traditions, family and faith

O come, O come Emmanuel,

and ransom captive Israel;

that mourns in lonely exile here

until the son of God appear.

I just finished reading Cosmic Christmas by Max Lucado. It completely blew my mind and opened my eyes to a side of the Christmas story I have never considered before. The spiritual warfare side of the Christmas story. It gave me a glimpse into God’s heart for sending His son to us in a brand new and creative way. Here is my favorite scene from the first chapter. It is written in the perspective of the angel Gabriel (the angel that tells Mary she is pregnant). The setting is the throne room of God.  Satan (also called Lucifer) enters in and this scene is the dialoged between God and Satan. Remember this is a fictional story. Max Lucado used his imagination to write this book but the main truths are very real. God loves us. God is sovereign. God is good. Immanuel: God with us.

*    *   *   *

Then God said, “The time has come for the second gift.”

Lucifer chuckled, “The second gift, eh? I hope it works better than the first.”

You’re disappointed with the first?” asked the Father.

“Oh, quite the contrary; I’ve delighted in it.” Lifting a bony finger, he spelled a word in the air. C-H-O-I-C-E.

“You gave Adam his choice.” Satan scoffed. “And what a choice he made! He chose me. Ever since the fruit was plucked from the tree in the Garden, I’ve held Your children captive. They fell. Fast. Hard. They are mine. You have failed. Heh-heh-heh.”

“You speak so confidently.” Replied the Father, astounding me with His patience.

Lucifer stepped forward, “Of course! I thwart everything You do! You soften hearts, I harden them. You teach truth, I shadow it. You offer joy, I steal it. You must admit, my work has been crafty.”

“Crafty? Perhaps. But effective? No. I know what you will do even before you do it. You deceptions have only served as platforms for My mercy. You are still My servant, Satan. When will you learn? Your feeble attempts to disturb My work only enable My work. Every act you have intended for evil, I have used for good.”

The two stood facing each other. God robed in light, each thread glowing. Satan canopied in evil, the very fabric of his robe seeming to crawl…

Satan rose to read the book of Life that God held.

 He read the words: Immanuel.

“Immanuel? God with us?” No. Not even you would do that. Not even you would go so far. The plan is bizarre! You don’t know how dark I’ve made the Earth. It’s putrid. It’s evil. It’s….”

“It’s is MINE,” proclaimed the King. And I will reclaim what is mine. I will become flesh. I will feel what My creatures feel. I will see what they see.”

Satan stood speechless.

God spoke, “I love my children. Love does not take away the beloved’s freedom. But love takes away fear. And Immanuel will leave behind a tribe of fearless children. I will take away all sin. I will take away death. Without sin and without death, you have no power. My children will not fear you or your hell.

“Why?” Satan asked. “Why would you do this?”

The Father’s voice was deep and soft.

“Because I love them.”

*     *    *    *

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not (and could not) overcome it.

There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him. He himself was not the light, but he came to testify to the light. The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world.

He was in the world, the world that was there through him, and yet the world didn’t even notice. He came to his own people, but they didn’t want him. But whoever did want him, who believed he was who he claimed and would do what he said, He made to be their true selves, he gave power to become children of God, who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God

The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood, to live among us.

~John 1:1-14 (MSG and NRSV)

“Remember, Christ, our Saviour

Was born on Christmas day

To save us all from Satan’s power

When we were gone astray”

In reflective awe and wonder this Advent/Christmas season,

Heidi

You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope

College life wears on you. At least it is starting to wear on me. Working on finding ways to continue to take care of myself in an environment where sleep is so rare and the work load intense. Jesus says, “Come all who are weary and I will give you rest.” That verse is cold water to my thirsty soul. Just proves to show that truly the “things” God calls us to are wondrous adventures, beautiful and full of life. But don't be fooled these adventures are not easy.  But the late nights, the hours of practice, the constantly being pushed to the end of my rope is worth it.

You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule” Matthew 5:4 MSG

Most nights I go to bed completely EHAUSTED, but also overflowing with joy and knowing I am blessed beyond measure. When you are living out your passion, it is not work. I am not living this lifestyle on my own strength but I am empowered by the Holy Spirit.

Coffee, tea, Jesus, worship, studying scripture, living in a Christ centered community are all some of the incredible gifts God has given me to give me strength, encouragement, joy and peace to keep going. To not give up. To continue to run the good race. I am reading Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis right now and it is blowing up my mind. Shaking me to the core. I have always loved reading Katie's blog and God has used it in huge ways in my life the past two years. And I know her book is going continue to challenge me to be a doer of the word. (A blogs on what God is moving in my heart in that regards is in the works).

I love to splurge on concerts. I love experiencing music and supporting the arts. I love music. It is a universal language. I honestly love all music. Good music is good music. As a worship leader studying Worship Arts at school; going to an old beautiful, historic music theater in the heart of downtown Seattle to worship and listen to GOOD worship music for 4 solid hours was an enchanting dream come true. By the first song I was wonderstruck in awe of all the musical beauty that was filling my ear drums. God presence was thick and tangible in the room. In this secular theater—God showed up. David Crowder, Gungor, John Mark McMillan, Chris August. I was overwhelmed by so much musical talent with hearts beating for the Lord Jesus Christ in one room.

The highlights of the night, Gungor blew the show away, their cellist played the cello AND beat boxed at the same time. He had a whole band in his mouth. Lisa Gungor is lovely as ever she was wearing a whimsical dress that both Aubrea and I badly want. The dress was a mix between something from Urban Outfitters and Free People. Christ August did his set with just his guitar and that incredible voice of his. He is so, so funny. He had me in stitches. He also talked about some deep theological issues and theories. Which being the theological nerd that I am, I LOVED. John Mark was his usually hipster, casual swagger self. He is one hairy dude. Reminds me of the men in Portland, OR. David Crowder Band played almost two hours and rocked it. I forgot how many famous worship songs that they wrote. What a great gift to the church. 

The most magical powerful moment of the night? Towards the end of the David Crowder Band set they sang How He Loves with John Mark McMillan (who wrote the song), Gungor, and Christ August. Every single hand in that concert hall was raised high and in awesome love for our Father God who loves us so. Wow. A holy moment that I will remember for the rest of my life. I have been blessed to say that I seen many concerts in my short lifetime. This was one of the best concerts I have been too. By far the best Christian Music/Worship concert I have been too. Not only is it worship music, (which though I am biased is my favorite type of music) it was not bad quality music. No lame four chord worship song but complex music bliss. Experimenting and worshiping God through good music.

Anyways, that is my summary of the concert for those who wanted to know how the concert was. I also must share how grateful I am for Jesus protection while we (Aubrea and I) were in downtown. We felt Him with us the entire time and Jesus went way out of His way to make it extremely obvious that we were not walking the streets of Seattle alone that night. From putting it on some of our friends heart to pray for our protection and that God would send an angel to watch over us. From God giving us wisdom for when we need to get off the street and come up with a plan in Macy's, to walking by churches with big light up signs lighting our paths with truths like "Christ is Hope" to walking back to our parking spot after the concert with other Christians who went to the concert too and their was a big guy in front of us in a rainbow tie dyed Cross t-shirt who also parked in the same parking garage as us. So literally we got to follow the cross all the way to our parking spot last night. It was like Jesus himself was leading the way, clearing the way for us. It’s incredible how far Jesus goes to give us peace in our hearts to show us that He is protecting us and watching over us. Answering our prayers. This is the Savior that I so deeply love and serve.

So much more I could share and want to share about my time here at SPU so far. But forced to stop and continue to study for my Spanish and Music Theory midterms.

Till the whole world hears,

Heidi