Firewords and Authenticity

Blessed. I am dripping in blessings. That is what comes to mind as I sit here in this peaceful coffee shop with my herbal tea. I love the smell of coffee shops; it is absolutely magnificent. The aroma of coffee beans and the different blends of tea is a smell straight from heaven. While I am sitting here taking everything in, the sun has decided to kiss my face with its bright rays even though it is a cold winter’s day. It is like God himself is warming my cold face saying, “All is well, precious daughter. I delight in you”.


“We are mirrors whose brightness, if we are bright, is wholly derived from the sun that shines upon us”-C.S. Lewis

I am content with where I am with God and where I am on this crazy journey called life. I wake up every morning just happy and ready for where ever God takes me and to serve everyone who God places in my life. This is a new mind set then the season I recently went through. I am doing everything I can to keep this attitude. To continue to enjoy God’s presence as I go through this season of discovery, a time to learn and to soak in new truths that God is putting on my heart. I am trying to write it all down in all the different ways I know how. I am calling these revelations and truths: Firewords.

FireWords: “But if I say I’ll never mention the Lord or speak in His name, His word burns in my heart like a fire. It’s like a fire in my bones! I’m worn out trying to hold it in. I cannot do it! Jeremiah 20:9

I have quite recently discovered a new found passion and developing talent for songwriting. This actually doesn’t come as a surprise to me. I love the creative process that goes into taking the message of the bible—all the wonderful truths—and turning them into writings, blogs and now…music. I always try to be real and authentic when I explain my own personal adventure with Christ. I am eager and delighted to have found a new opportunity to use my talents God has entrusted me with to set the world on fire and turn it upside down, making a lasting difference.

I want to spread a completely unusual message compared to what pop culture blast all over T.V, internet, facebook, radio, newspapers etc. A message of immeasurable love and rock solid truth. I remember really feeling convicted. I cried out, “Oh, Lord, someone must do something about this”. And instantly I felt God answer my heartfelt, spontaneous prayer. I knew that “someone” was me.

“For they all do evil and abuse what power they have” ~Jeremiah 23:10

“YOU must influence them; do not let them influence you.”~Jeremiah 15:19c

Somewhere during all the sunshine’s and raindrops in my life, through days of brokenness and fairy tale moments that were magical—idea’s and dreams that God specifically placed in my heart began to blossom. I am still in the blossoming process. But, someday these divine dreams and ideas grow to maturity, which God will use to touch more lives than I can ever imagine. It will be so much bigger than me following my dreams, building my career, or creating a name for myself—this is my calling: my ministry, my mission work, my walk with God. A Set Apart Adventure.

This is why I so strongly believe in authenticity. If I ever give off the impression that I have it all together, that my life is perfect and I live in some fairy tale dreamland where everything goes my way. Then shame on me. You see I am a helpless, hopeless, broken girl in rags. However, I have a relationship with a God who is perfect and has a love for be that is absolutely ridiculous. It makes no sense. He loves me. He redeems me. And get this…He takes this hopeless girl—filthy, dirty, absolutely worthless and decides to transform her into His princess. Let me tell you it is not an easy process. You cannot just wave a wand around; say some funny sounding words, and BAM…a princess. It is a daily training, only by the grace of God. I am just a work in progress.

Continuing on the topic of Firewords and authenticity: I wrote the below story during Thanksgiving break and have been waiting for the right time to share it with you. God has put it on my heart that now is the time.

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The rain this morning seems never ending. On top of being wet, there is a bitter stone cold breeze that is cutting through even the thickest jacket, as well as my broken heart. I feel as if I have hit head on a spiritual wall. That I am walking around in the dark, not knowing where I am going. All I know is that Jesus is holding my hand and keeps telling me to trust Him. In the beginning, that was fine. I was excited to start walking down this narrow path. What an incredible adventure I thought. But after awhile the journey got tough. I knew what I was getting into when I signed up for this adventure with Jesus so I kept on climbing. However, after two months of a dangerous and hard journey it is easy to become discouraged.

I began to question God. “Lord, where am I going? Where are you taking me? Why can’t I know? Can’t you turn on a light? Isn’t time for the journey to get easier?” I started to question if I was even holding on to God’s hand. If He truly cared about me how could He let the rain fall? Why is He keeping me in the dark? I just cried out in desperation, “Oh, Jesus, I don’t have the strength or the will power to keep on this journey anymore. Help me!”

Jesus immediately stopped still and slowly turned and gazed into my eyes with an unconditional love. I could also see sadness in His eyes like He understood completely how much this journey, this narrow path, was taking its toll on me. I just stood their looking into His eyes; time seemed to disappear, and I was unable to come up with anything to say. As I stared into His eyes all my anxieties, fears, and worries about the future, about the rough journey, fell to the ground. A peace beyond understanding flooded my heart. I realized that it did not matter how difficult the journey was or if I didn’t know where we were going. We stood still as the rain pounded down and the wind blew—I wasn’t even aware. I had divine warmth filling my soul. I was with my True Love. My Savior, who loved me and was willing to die to ransom me when I went astray, as long as I was with Him I knew everything would be okay. That I would walk through fire, climb mountains, and go through hell itself, as long as I could stay with Jesus. I knew the most devastating tragedy would be walking away from Him. I made a decision in my mind, that no matter where He went, I would continue to follow Him to the ends of the earth.

I could tell that He knew the decision I had just made in my heart and mind because He smiled. Ah, I would do anything to bring a smile to my Savior’s face. I was stunned that such a simple decision of surrender from someone as insignificant as me could bring Him so much pleasure. My eyes shifted down to His hands, I saw scars. Scars from having nails pieced through His hands. I remembered how much my ransomed cost Him. The sacrifice He made just to be able to have me beside Him right now. It cost Him everything. Oh how foolish and stupid I was. How could I possible complain about the narrow path He was taking me down when He went through hell to save me! Miraculously, I was able to stutter out, “I-I-I am sooo sorrrrrry”. Then I burst into tears.

He took my hand and began to speak. Ooh.. I am so in love with His voice. It is as strong and mighty as a roaring ocean wave crashing against a rocky coast cliff. Yet, soft and caring, like He is serenading you with a beautiful melody that He wrote especially for you. It is hard to actually listen to what He is saying because you’re so mesmerized by the sound of His voice. But, I was able to hear Him say…

“Heidi, my precious child. Trust me. I know what I am doing. All your days I hold in My hand. I know every desire and dream in your heart. I specifically placed them there. Please know that I have great plans for you. I will give you all you could ever need to keep on this narrow path. Just ask me and it is yours! Soon your eyes will be opened to all I am doing but for now—Trust me”

Then He created the most beautiful painting in the sky. He used all my favorite colors. God had gotten my attention. In less then 10 minutes, He took my heart of stone, tired from a long and brutal journey, and overflowed me with so much love, peace, and strength to keep going. And best of all I had rediscovered why I fell in love with Jesus in the first place. He is SO good. I do not deserve His love and blessings. Yet, everyday He surrounds me with more and more.

Did I mention this all happened at 6:03 in the morning as I was waiting for my plane to take off? God will find you! He will meet you and send you straight on your knees in the most unlikely place where you would least expect it. I was drowning in a massive wave of emotion while watching the sunrise in my cramped airplane seat.

I am glad I serve a God that will do anything to get my attention. I am His princess, His beloved even when I don’t act like it. I hate to admit this but the past two weeks I have let the enemy freeze over my heart. Yes, the past two weeks I got a heart of stone. I went cold. The glimmer and fire that usually blazes in my eyes started to fade. My beautiful song of praise to my Lord that would always be on my mouth and heart didn’t seem so heartfelt anymore. I could feel myself drifting away from my Forever Love. But, God WILL FIND YOU! He is always waiting. Patiently calling you back home into His arms.

I am SO thankful that God is ever present and even when I move away from Him, and realize what I have done; He welcomes me with open arms again and again and again. This is grace and love. The most beautiful and undeserving gifts that we receive by having a relationship with God are Love and Grace.

So I end this long blog post (by now I’m sure you expect nothing less from me) by saying these are the FIREWORDS God has placed that are burning inside me. Also, this is me being as authentic as I possible can with you all about my journey with Christ. I pray that by sharing my firewords and being authentic, helps you on your own adventure with Christ.