My Heart Spilled

I never imagined I would be giving others advice saying, “Look how I handle this situation that is exactly what you SHOULDN’T DO! Here is some advice that I wish I would have done…” This reminds me of something I read in my biology book, it said, "Isn't interesting to ponder the fact that the living world adapts partly through its mistakes?" It humbles me to the core to mentor others by my shortcomings, mistakes, and weakness. But like I explained in my last post: God’s power works the best in weakness. And even through my shortcomings and weakness God’s grace and amazing love is working in me to transform me to be more like my precious Savior.

My dear sister in Christ and close friend text me this verse: Some of the wise will stumble, so that they may be refined, purified, and made spotless until the time of the end, for I will still come at the appointed time. –Daniel 11:35

God is in the process of refining, purifying and making me spotless. It is a necessary process for all Christ followers to go through but it not an easy one. Honestly, this is a painful process at times. Mainly because it involves one of my least favorite words: surrender.

Really Jesus, you want me to lay down all my “rights”, all my dreams, ambitions, wishes and hopes that I hold so dear, my reputation, my comfortable lifestyle, my romantic ideals, my free time: to lay them at your feet and then pick up my cross and follow you? You want me to be willing to give up anything at any moment if it would advance you Kingdom. Oh boy can’t we negotiate this one? Yet, God makes it clear that this is a non-negotiable request. It I truly want to be a disciple, a follower of Christ, I must surrender. Jesus Christ must have all that He purchased on the cross. Not just any surrender: ABSOLUTE SURRENDER! The flesh inside me hates those two words with a mighty passion. But the Spirit is giving me strength to keep fighting. To daily deny self (flesh) and follow Christ.

I have gotten to this time of surrender and refining after a season of trials and storms. And I promised in my last post that I would expand on more of that period of time in my life and what God has and is continuing to teach me. I am not going to list every storm or trial instead I am going to list off every lesson learned, what God is teaching me, or what I have learned about God throughout all this.

Truth #1) Jesus wept ~John 11:35 How beautiful it is that we have a Savior who cries with and for us! During my darkest times of heartache and hurt where all I wanted to do was just cry. Never once did I feel like God was looking down upon be for being weak or for taking the time to cry. Surprisingly instead I felt Jesus wrap his arms around me and began crying with me! Jesus Christ knows heartache and hurt. He knows everything you are going through. The shortest verse in the bible “Jesus wept” has gotten me through many dark and sad nights. And it didn’t end there he would whisper to my heart, “Heidi…my beloved. I know your pain. Please don’t you understand? Can you not see me weeping with you? My heart breaks with you. And though you can’t see it now, please know that I am answering your biggest prayer: To bring glory to my Name. Trust me, I’m using this and will continue to use this to bring me SO much glory. Stay firm in Me. Lean on Me. Depend on me to get you through this. I will never leave you. However, tonight let us just weep together.”

Truth #2) God is faithful. He will ALWAYS keep his promises. That night, when I was just crying with Jesus, He promised me that he was using all this for His glory. That He would use all the disappointments, heartache, and trails to answer some of my biggest prayers! And oh brothers and sisters how He has done that and so much more!

Truth #3) Trails are PURE JOY when GOD is our goal. Our goal for trials should not be to just get through them but to look at them as an amazing opportunity to grow closer to God, gain heavenly wisdom, and become more like our sweet Savior. I know that the love and grace of God will get me through any trail that comes my way. Not only that but through these trails I have grown closer to God like never before! So lately my prayers have been for God to bring trails into my life (I know its sounds completely crazy) but my ultimate longing is to daily draw closer to God, to know more about Him, and to fall more deeply in love with Him. Trails help all three of those longings happen in such a powerful way!

Come on world throw another battle in my life. It hurts, but I learned it makes me stronger. Come on world give me all you got and I’ll pull through. Love is my fuel. And I won’t be losing that anytime soon. ~Kina Grannis

My fuel, my love comes from God, it is everlasting. “Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. Understand how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.” Eph 3:18

Truth #4) Obedience, when it flows out of genuine love for Jesus Christ, is never wasted and never regretted.
In the beginning of April I felt like God was asking me to walk away from my YoungLife leader position. What? God are you crazy! Why? No, I am doing so much good here! Why in the world would you ask me to leave? He had made it clear in January that He did not want me to return next year to a leadership role, but to end in the middle of the school year?! My pride kicked in hardcore at this point. God, there is no way they could do it without me. Who would pick up the kids and take them everywhere? I have grown so close to these leaders and kids and you just want me to walk away?
“Heidi…please, I know this is hard but can you trust me?”
I am always looking for ways to make deals with God (don’t ask me why). So I said if this is truly what you want Lord you will make it extremely clear that you want me to leave.
God was moving me in an opposite direction. I knew it, but I refused to let go. So I asked God for a very specific sign. For something that I thought very unlikely if not absolutely impossible. And then something devastating happened. God gave me the sign I asked for.
Exactly a month after God asked me to walk away; I was actually walking away from it all. It was the most painful decision I have ever made in my life. I put so much of my heart and soul into the program, into the lives of the kids. My biggest fear was that I wouldn’t see them as much or get to be apart of their lives.

Truth #5) Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open." - Corrie Ten Boom

God’s ways are not always our ways. Honestly, they are almost never our ways. So I just keep on praying, “Yet I want YOUR WILL to be done, not mine” (Mark 11:36).

Truth #6) Forgiveness. “Then I realized my heart was bitter and I was torn up inside” ~Psalms 73:21. Love doesn’t give up because something goes wrong or your feelings are hurt. God is in charge so those who love just keep right on loving. God has been freeing me from bitterness and hard feelings. I feel the chains of bitterness falling off. “My chains are gone I've been set free” My all time favorite quote about forgiveness that has inspired me greatly this month is:

“We as humans can forgive those that wrong us, but we lack the ability, the power, and the love to forgive the way God forgives. Human forgiveness relinquishes resentment and anger, but it can't remove the magnetic pull of remembrance. Human forgiveness leaves us free from the rot of bitterness, but it does nothing to bring heavenly love into the soul towards the one who wronged us. We can't, as humans, forgive as God forgives; we can allow God to forgive in and through us, and thusly change us and change this world with the amazing love of Christ.” –Eric Ludy

Truth #7) This truth is from 1 Peter 5:10 "So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.”

After trials God will restore, support and strengthen you! How he did (and is doing) that in me is putting a powerful passion in my soul. This is a passion that I have always had but He put a deeper meaning into it and gave it life.

“If we will not reach them with the love of Jesus Christ, who will?" -Jackie Pullinger

My passion is loving the people that others don’t naturally love on. These people are everywhere. In your school, on the side of the street, in your neighborhood, across the world, etc. They need to be shown the love of Christ. Will you be the arms of Jesus Christ to them?

Truth #8) Service to others in Jesus' name with a genuine heart of love is one of the most fulfilling and joyous feelings!

Phew…okay there you go as promised! A little more background and info to the past few months of my life. I felt really inspired to write this and my hope and prayer is that the Spirit will work in your heart and somehow my recent chapter in my adventure with Jesus; can be an encouragement to your own walk with Him.

PLEASE KNOW…I don’t claim to have all the answers. I don’t claim to be doing this all right. Actually, lately I will be the first to tell you I am doing this all wrong. BUT, I do claim to believe that the words of Jesus are absolutely true and apply to me, right now, today!

The weaker I get, the stronger I become

Following Jesus is a war.
It’s not some happy club.
This isn’t Chuck E. Cheese.
Are you willing to fight this fight?

This has been a month of immense heartache, disappointment, and rejection. At the same time it has been filled with extreme joy and a powerful peace. I know what you’re thinking…that is impossible. How can you put heartache and pure joy in the same sentence? It happens to be one of the many unexplainable feelings and situations that happen when your life is fully surrendered to Christ.

It has been a month of trials…one after the other. I barely have time to catch my breath before the next trial comes. I beg God to make them stop. Crying out to Him night after night after night saying, “Please Father, I don’t think I can do this anymore”. Yet, the trails keep coming. Then God led me to the Message version of 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

“…so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

I love these verses. I am dependent, powerless, WEAK, and while that should scare me, that truth brings me to a beautiful place. A place where I CAN’T go one minute without crying out to my Father. A place where in my weakness God’s power is made perfect. The trials are a gift. I was right when I prayed: “I can’t do this anymore”. Because I can’t! I need God’s grace and power. I am weak. But Christ wants to take over! That is where the pure joy and peace comes from during heartache and disappointment. I know Christ is in control. Our trials are pure joy when God is our goal.

“Do not forget in the darkness what you have been promised in the light”

It happens way too easily. A rough month and I forget. It becomes easy to look around and think. “Why do I do this? Why do I put myself through this?” Then I smile and remember: I do it for Jesus.

I cannot begin to thank you all for your prayers this month. They have overwhelmed me with peace and joy that can only come from our Radiant Lord. I wish I could tell you the full story of the things that have been happening this month. How God has been working in my life even throughout the storms and trials. But, I feel it is best to wait. Instead I will show you some pictures of my “sunshines” from this month.

Some of the MANY donations from Key Club's Vida's Ark Fundraiser. $908.65 and $3,000 dollars worth of supplies.



Some of my dear friends and the adorable posters from the Vida's Ark (teen moms) Fundraiser!


CSU Roller Skate night!


The whole CSU Roller Skate Group! This outreach event=TOTAL SUCCESS!


First part of my senior pictures! I can't believe Senior year is right around the corner...


Anti Prom Night with my campaigner kids!


Late night drive to go Cosmic Bowling!


My Beautiful Girls!

The Least of the Least...

Disclaimer: This is my best description of the dream and "vision" I have been having the past few months. Obviously if you know me you know I have not been to Africa, India..etc but God does take me there frequently in my head. What God has shown me is what I am writing about.

I am walking down the streets of Africa, China, Haiti, and India. I see the work of orphanages of all these locations. Children are being adopted into loving God fearing families from all over the world. Yet, I get the feeling that something is missing. As I look around I see a group of precious children looking at the scene as outsiders. These children are not the cute little kids you see on adoption fliers. No, they are hurt, sick, lame, mentally or physically handicapped, HIV positive, Down syndrome; missing arm or a leg...They are the least of the orphans.

I hear the world say: "They are considered to be dead ducks anyways. They are the children without a mommy and a daddy AND not desirable for adoption. Who would want to adopt a really sick child? Why spend the money or resources on these children when they have no hope...no future".

Yet God puts a different truth on my heart...I see beautiful and wonderfully created children with a purpose and a treasured soul. A child that so desperately needs love. These children are the least of the least. And I believe it is our duty as Christians to love them.

I walk down the halls of a Children's Hospital in America and see our sick, lame, handicapped children but they’re smiling, joyful, laughing even though they are so sick, hurting, or disadvantaged. They have parent(s) who love them and hold their hand during blood testing. They have hope in knowing a doctor will do everything possible to give them a longer or brighter tomorrow. They know they can live a happy, purposeful life even with a disability. They are living their lives no matter how short to the fullest and surrounded by love.

I want that for these children around the world. The least of even the orphans. They’re the unwanted orphans. All I want for them is love. To be loved and to know love. I don’t want to give them an earthly future but an eternal future.

“For God’s possible is taught by His world’s loving,
And the children doubt of each”

These children can only believe in a Heavenly Father who loves them by seeing His people love them.

Abba…Father,

How my heart breaks for these orphans. You throughout both the Old and New Testament call your people to love these children, the fatherless. God, show me that I am not a rescuer…I am the rescued. You saw me when I was dirty, sick with sin. I was on a path to death. I had nothing to offer you; I was such a pain: constantly rejecting your love. You never stopped fighting for me and showing me love. I am a rescued child. I have been adopted into your heavenly family. Use me to help rescue more children. Let me love them as you loved me. It won’t be easy but you will give me all that I need to do it. And best of all you will forever be by my side.
Love you!
Heidi

The Cry of the Children

One of my favorite poems by my favorite Victorian writer! Enjoy! I hope you take the time to really read and meditate on how powerful it is. Realize that even though this was written over 150 years ago it is still a true reality in our world today!


The Cry of the Children

Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806–61)


DO ye hear the children weeping, O my brothers,
Ere the sorrow comes with years?
They are leaning their young heads against their mothers,
And that cannot stop their tears.
The young lambs are bleating in the meadows,
The young birds are chirping in the nest,
The young fawns are playing with the shadows,
The young flowers are blowing toward the west:
But the young, young children, O my brothers,
They are weeping bitterly!
They are weeping in the playtime of the others,
In the country of the free.

Do you question the young children in the sorrow
Why their tears are falling so?
The old man may weep for his to-morrow
Which is lost in Long Ago;
The old tree is leafless in the forest,
The old year is ending in the frost,
The old wound, if stricken, is the sorest,
The old hope is hardest to be lost:
But the young, young children, O my brothers,
Do you ask them why they stand
Weeping sore before the bosoms of their mothers,
In our happy Fatherland?

They look up with their pale and sunken faces,
And their looks are sad to see,
For the man’s hoary anguish draws and presses
Down the cheeks of infancy;
“Your old earth,” they say, “is very dreary,
Our young feet,” they say, “are very weak;
Few paces have we taken, yet are weary—
Our grave-rest is very far to seek:
Ask the aged why they weep, and not the children,
For the outside earth is cold,
And we young ones stand without, in our bewildering,
And the graves are for the old.”

“True,” say the children, “it may happen
That we die before our time:
Little Alice died last year, her grave is shapen
Like a snowball, in the rime.
We looked into the pit prepared to take her:
Was no room for any work in the close clay!
From the sleep wherein she lieth none will wake her,
Crying, ‘Get up, little Alice! it is day.’
If you listen by that grave, in sun and shower,
With your ear down, little Alice never cries:
Could we see her face, be sure we should not know her,
For the smile has time for growing in her eyes:
And merry go her moments, lull’d and still’d in
The shroud by the kirk-chime.
It is good when it happens,” say the children,
“That we die before our time.”

Alas, alas, the children! they are seeking
Death in life, as best to have:
They are binding up their hearts away from breaking,
With a cerement from the grave.
Go out, children, from the mine and from the city,
Sing out, children, as the little thrushes do;
Pluck your handfuls of the meadow-cow-slips pretty,
Laugh aloud, to feel your fingers let them through!
But they answer, “Are your cowslips of the meadows
Like our weeds anear the mine?
Leave us quiet in the dark of the coal-shadows,
From your pleasures fair and fine!

“For oh,” say the children, “we are weary,
And we cannot run or leap;
If we car’d for any meadows, it were merely
To drop down in them and sleep.
Our knees tremble sorely in the stooping,
We fall upon our faces, trying to go;
And, underneath our heavy eyelids drooping,
The reddest flower would look as pale as snow.
For, all day, we drag our burden tiring
Through the coal-dark, underground,
Or, all day, we drive the wheels of iron
In the factories, round and round.

“For all day, the wheels are droning, turning;
Their wind comes in our faces,
Till our hearts turn, our heads with pulses burning,
And the walls turn in their places:
Turns the sky in the high window blank and reeling,
Turns the long light that drops adown the wall,
Turn the black flies that crawl along the ceiling,
All are turning, all the day, and we with all.
And all day, the iron wheels are droning,
And sometimes we could pray,
‘O ye wheels,’ moaning breaking out in a mad
‘Stop! be silent for to-day!’”

Ay, be silent! Let them hear each other breathing
For a moment, mouth to mouth!
Let them touch each other’s hands, in a fresh wreathing
Of their tender human youth!
Let them feel that this cold metallic motion
Is not all the life God fashions or reveals:
Let them prove their living souls against the notion
That they live in you, or under you, O wheels!
Still, all day, the iron wheels go onward,
Grinding life down from its mark;
And the children’s souls, which God is calling sunward,
Spin on blindly in the dark.

Now tell the poor young children, O my brothers,
To look up to Him and pray;
So the blessed One who blesseth all the others,
Will bless them another day.
They answer, “Who is God that He should hear us,
While the rushing of the iron wheels is stirr’d?
When we sob aloud, the human creatures near us
Pass by, hearing not, or answer not a word.
And we hear not (for the wheels in their resounding)
Strangers speaking at the door:
Is it likely God, with angels singing round Him,
Hears our weeping any more?

“Two words, indeed, of praying we remember,
And at midnight’s hour of harm,
‘Our Father,’ looking upward in the chamber,
We say softly for a charm.
We know no other words except ‘Our Father,’
And we think that, in some pause of angels’ song,
God may pluck them with the silence sweet to gather,
And hold both within His right hand which is strong.
‘Our Father!’ If He heard us, He would surely
(For they call Him good and mild)
Answer, smiling down the steep world very purely,
‘Come and rest with me, my child.’

“But, no!” say the children, weeping faster,
“He is speechless as a stone:
And they tell us, of His image is the master
Who commands us to work on.
Go to!” say the children,—“up in heaven,
Dark, wheel-like, turning clouds are all we find.
Do not mock us; grief has made us unbelieving:
We look up for God, but tears have made us blind.”
Do you hear the children weeping and disproving,
O my brothers, what ye preach?
For God’s possible is taught by His world’s loving,
And the children doubt of each.

And well may the children weep before you!
They are weary ere they run:
They have never seen the sunshine, nor the glory
Which is brighter than the sun.
They know the grief of man, without its wisdom;
They sink in man’s despair, without its calm;
Are slaves, without the liberty in Christdom,
Are martyrs, by the pang without the palm:
Are worn as if with age, yet unretrievingly
The harvest of its memories cannot reap,—
Are orphans of the earthly love and heavenly.
Let them weep! let them weep!

They look up with their pale and sunken faces,
And their look is dread to see,
For they mind you of their angels in high places,
With eyes turned on Deity.
“How long,” they say, “how long, O cruel nation,
Will you stand, to move the world, on a child’s heart,—
Stifle down with a mailed heel its palpitation,
And tread onward to your throne amid the mart?
Our blood splashes upward, O gold-heaper,
And your purple shows your path!
But the child’s sob in the silence curses deeper
Than the strong man in his wrath.”

Sacred Sparkle

My life is a thrilling wonderful adventure! I LOVE everything God has called me to do. Just because I love it doesn't mean it’s easy. It’s a hard path but everyday I am learning to trust and lean on God more and more. He truly knows what is best for me and where I will be the most happy.

Everyday I am overflowing with joy. Even when stressed or faced with seeming impossible situations. I thrive on it because I know that it's Jesus' strength and energy working through me to get it all done. I have realized I can not live this kind of life without Him. I am so honored to be a channel in which His love and power can flow through to change people’s lives and the world. It is the most beautiful, fulfilling work! I adore it!

I want to wake up each morning and EXPECT Jesus to guide, direct, speak, and lead my life. My prayer lately has been for Jesus to create in me joy, beauty and a loving radiance that pours out on everything and everyone around me. I want to create beauty all around me- no matter where I am. With the beauty and radiance of my True Love, Jesus Christ. This Savior who brings so much beauty, joy, and love in my life I can't help but want to do the same in the lives around me.

"Everything is pure to those whose hearts are pure" Titus 1:15

"Guard your heart more than anything else, because the source of your life flows from it." Proverbs 4:23

This past year I have been learning that what matters most to God is where your hearts at. You can do Mother Teresa good deeds but if your heart is not in the right place I think all those good deeds are a waste. If your heart is pure and true the natural outflow will be pure, true and godly things. If I want the things in my life to be pure I must start with my heart. My heart is the wellspring of my life. Everything flows from it. I want to be 100% sure that Jesus is the King of my heart.

God you have called me to impossible task that I cannot do on my own. I need to fully surrender my life (knowing I will never get it back) to you in order to do the things you have called me to do.

"Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die;
save them as they stagger to their death.
Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.”
For God understands all hearts, and he sees you.
He who guards your soul knows you knew.
He will repay all people as their actions deserve." Proverbs 24:11-12

When I read, "unjustly sentenced to death" I think of...

*Millions of hungry children and orphans in the world. Helpless to find food and they are "unjustly sentenced to death" because of that.

*Child Soldiers in the LRA who are "unjustly sentenced the death" of their souls.

*Victims and Slaves of Temple Prostitution and Human Trafficking who are "unjustly sentenced to death" of their purity and innocence.

*Suicidal Teens/Children who are so unloved, feel unworthy, and worthless that they take their own life. "unjustly sentenced to death"

I could keep writing the list forever. These are just some of the top things that have been weigh heavily on my heart. My eyes have been opened. Now that I know I am responsible.

*Rewrote a quote in my own words and made more directed to my calling. Based on a quote by William Booth (founder of the Salvation Army)*

The day I got the unloved orphans of the world on my heart and caught a vision of all Jesus Christ could do with them, that day I made up my mind that God would have all Heidi Johnson there was. And if there is any power in the Heaven on Earth ministry today, it is because God has had ALL the adoration of my heart, all the power of my will, and all the influence of my life.

The need is great. But the passion God has placed within my heart is strong. He will lead and be with me every step of the way. HIS strength, HIS power, HIS love, HIS energy are what will change the world. Lord, let me be a channel for you to work through.

Depending on my Almighty God

Had a fabulous birthday yesterday. So simple and just overflowing with love :) It was perfect!

I want to personally thank everyone who was praying for me as I waited to see if God would change my parents hearts about letting me go to Colorado to the Missionary Orphan Conference there...well prayer truly does move mountains and if God's Will for you is to do something even if it seems impossible let me tell you HE WILL MAKE IT POSSIBLE!!

As you can probably guess my 17th birthday present is a flight to Colorado and hotel and being able to go the Conference! I know if God can make all this happen I have Absolutely NO doubt in my heart or mind and that God will continue to work everything else out.

"Deep in your hearts you know that EVERY promise of the Lord your God has come true. Not a single one has failed!" -Joshua 23:14b

As much as I am so thankful for God and all your prayers I am also so grateful for my amazing parents who have had to go through so many adjustments and learn to trust in God's plans for my life that are not traditional and not what they had planned for me. The love and support from my parents means so much to me because I know they don't always understand why I have to do the things I do (Gosh, most the time I don't even know why either!) This love and support I get from them while I try to live in God's Will and not theirs or my own is the best gift they have given me. I am so grateful and extremely blessed. And I hope they know there love is matched back :)

Read this today for my devotion and it just spoke to my heart...
God Calling:
"Expect to encounter adversity in your life, remembering that you live in a deeply fallen world. Stop trying to find a way that circumvents difficulties. The main problem with an easy life is that it masks your need for Me. When you became a Christian, I infused My very Life into you, empowering you to live on a supernatural plane by depending on Me.
Anticipate coming face to face with impossibilities: situations totally beyond your ability to handle. This awareness of your inadequacy is not something that you should try to evade. It is precisely where I want you-the best place to encounter Me in My Glory and Power. When you see armies of problems marching toward you, cry out to Me! Allow Me to fight for you. Watch Me working on your behalf, as you rest in the shadow of My Almighty Presence."

On a day to day basis i feel like I am being delt things so beyond my ability to handle. But that just it…there is no way I could live the life I am living without Christ. He is the one that gets me through it all. And so instead of feeling lost, confused, tired. I need to realize that Christ is working on my behalf. He wants to help me live this life; to win these daily battles. I have to stop trying to do this on my own strength because it is impossible. I NEED Jesus. I wouldn't want it any other way. This life is not easy. But everyday I am reminded how much I need Jesus in my life. I have to depend on my Almighty God to get me through or I will not get through.

Every day I want to live my life in such a way that I have no other choice but to depend on Christ. That is so hard to do living in a country of abundance and comfort. But it is not impossible. I daily see how hard it is to depend on God here and I am constantly on my knees begging Him to help me stay strong and depend on Him.

"My precious Daughter, there is NOTHING we can't overcome."

I am faced with difficulties that are so beyond me. Yet, God uses me as a channel to impact lives and touch hearts. It’s the biggest honor. I am so unworthy of God using me in this way. Because God could touch these peoples hearts and lives without me. He doesn’t have to use me...but He chooses to use me. I am crying as I write this just realizing how much God loves me and believes in me. How He loves letting me help him advanced His Kingdom.

"Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with ALL the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.
" ~ 1 Peter 4:11

Friends, know that God believes in you. God loves YOU! God wants to use you!!! Not because He can't do this work without you but because He loves you and believes in you SO much. I believe in you too. I believe that with God you can change the world. I believe God has plans for your life that are so amazing and an adventure of a life time. Lets us believe and love each other the way God believes and loves us.

"NEVER underestimate the power of believing in someone. And NEVER forget that God is the ultimate Believer. in. YOU!.

Regardless of what has been done. God desperately believes in you." ~Beth Haley

My thoughts on Feb 25

*Somehow this didn't post when I first tried to post this on February 25.*

I learned a HUGE lesson this week (one that I feel like I have to learn over and over). It definitely is one of my biggest struggles in my faith walk. I love to have plans and I make plans constantly. And then I hold on to my plans with everything I have. God seriously has to pry them out of my hand. It's a painful but necessary process. It would be so much easier if I would just learn to trust in the plans that God has for me. I need to willingly let go of my plans and make it easier for God to take me where His Will for my life is.

Again I realized today that my life is a thrilling adventure. God has me living a Set Apart life. It the kind of life he calls us all to live. But oh I am only at the beginning. I have so many lessons to learn, ways to grow, and lives to impact and change eternally. My prayer to God this past month has been: Lord, Make me into a beautiful warrior, waging war on poverty, injustice, and the darkness of this world.

Don't imagine that I came to bring peace to earth! I came not to bring peace, but a sword.~Matthew 10:34

With God by my side I will go to the wolves (read Matthew 10). I will love radically, speak boldly, and live fearlessly. I will keep fighting till the day I die. I cannot sit here in my world of comfort and safety while BILLIONS of people are on the road to eternal hell, people are dying from hunger, powerless children and women are being continually raped and beaten, there are 147 million orphans in the world who are in dying need of love, people treated unjustly, and a world and church that cannot see its own darkness and lukewarm-ness.

But God called to me in the night..."on earth as it is in heaven...Heaven on earth" Can my sinful, weak, little self leave earth a little more like heaven? I believe anything is possible with God who gives me strength.

The call is dangerous. The call is overwhelming. The call is a fight to the death of our fleshly bodies. Everything is at stake. But Jesus said, "Do not be afraid, for I have overcome the world."

This is where the Love of my life is. This is where He wants to go. This is what He wants to do. And I will follow. I will follow Christ through the sunshines, raindrops, and full on storms. He is the air I breathe. I CAN NOT survive without being where He is.

I know what this means. I know the cost. I have spent far to much time debating and weighing the cost. Here is what I know: I am deeply, fully, crazy in love with Jesus Christ. He has changed me, transformed me, and saved me. I will go with Him wherever. I know it will lead me down a narrow road bloodstained, with tears, hardships, and persecution. However, it is also a road of victory, joy, and a forever love story with Christ.

It is an adventure and journey not many people are willing to take. To be honest, I would have never chosen this path for myself. Even now I have doubts and uncertainties. I do know that Jesus is walking down this path and that's all that matters. End of Story. If Jesus is walking down this narrow path…I will too. He is my Love, my Everything, my Treasure--I have to be where He is.

The first step is the hardest. I need to take the first step today, right now, there is no time to waste. God has given me a radical compassion for these broken people that has put a extreme urgency on my heart. My time to fight has begun. I am about to begin fighting a war that has been waging for centuries. Luckily for me, I know the outcome of this war and you better believe I am going to fight and serve the winning side.

My eyes have been opened; I can no longer live in my life of comfort and abundance. I will go. I will fight. With God I will turn the world upside down to defend those who are helpless. His people, His children; they are crying out for the followers of Christ to save them…to help them…to love them.

When I die I want to be able to say my Savior, my Lord, the Love of my life, used me (I know it's crazy) to make earth a little more like Heaven.